YOU are a part of the problem

I was reading this post by m3 about Confidence when some sentence ressonated with what my thoughts have been lately.

What every woman who says men should just be confident fails to realize is that if they’re rejecting men left, right and center then they are part if the problem.

[…]

Point is, if men are chasers and women are choosers, it follows that if women want more confident men, they need to be giving men a chance to build it up. And every time you reject a guy for his shoes, the shape of his nose, something minor he says, the way he chews.. or you just enjoy crushing men on first dates because you hate boys and throw rocks at them.. you’re the problem. Every time you make a snarl face or nuclear rejection, you’re part of the problem.

Meet one female acquaintance of mine: a 28 year-old woman from a Nordic country known for its gender policies and strong feminist movement. No doubt, she is a feminist too. She moved to my country (on the opposite side of the continent) some years ago to look for a new life and I guess new possibilities in her love life too. It strikes me that, as a foreigner, in 4 years she hasn’t managed to meet someone interesting …

Some weeks ago we had this conversation going on while having dinner at her place with some friends, a mixed group of guys and girls. Notice that she is constantly bragging that in her country males and females are equal, and that she doesn’t like roles as they are in my country. I pointed out that she did a wrong choice then when she moved here and that she should have moved to a country where gender equality was more in accordance with her doctrine. Then she proceeded whining about how in our church there are a lot more women than men so ratio is not so good for her. A girl friend of hers made a point publicly and told that they had been together to one country in South America and she had been introduced to some (at least 3) different guys with great qualities both in secular and spiritual life. Her answer in front of the group? “Yes but they all were ugly”

Her answer infuriated me. She, who is a 4 in her best day (once in every 4 years I guess), a fricking self-entitled feminist, was speaking of other guys as ugly in front of more guys. She didn’t even say: “I didn’t like them.” or “They were not my type”. She just said: “They were ugly”. My stomach turned. “Who do you thing you are? How do you think you look like? What do you think your real SMV is?” I got all those questions burning on my head but I didn’t say anything because it  doesn’t matter what her SMV is, what matters for her is what she BELIEVES it to be.

Of course there is a need for attraction but as M3 notices in his post:

Even if she had no initial interest in the man, she may have been ignorant to a vast array of great qualities lying just beneath the surface that he either already had, or she could coax out of him with a little feminine persuasion and nurturing. No nuclear rejections, and taking a little time to see into a mans soul rather than make a snap decision. This gave men time to build up confidence by allowing them to interact with patient women

In this particular case she is aging, not specially pretty, complaining on women-to-men ratio and still picky. What the heck is going wrong? If she was smart she would be picking someone she “just liked a bit” and who had those great qualities which better match hers and grow a loving relationship out of this all. But no. She prefers to be single, complaining and waiting for who knows what!

Do they think that they may be a part of the problem with “the not being attracted to anyone” attitude? Or ar they always going to blame it on men?

I can’t really wait for these kind of hamsters to hit the wall.

Learn from others

I’d really like to be more prolific writing but I spend most of my time in the manosphere reading mainly because English is not my language and sometimes it’s difficult to find the right words at the right moment to express myself when I see something that has to do with the red pill, game, etc.

Yesterday I was with some younger friends doing a barbecue and after that plans were made to go dancing to a city nearby. Those guy friends are in the 20-25 range but there were some girls in the 15-19 range. While we were discussing where to go after the barbecue two of the girls were very pushy about wanting to go to some specific event which was held in that same city during the weekend. When I say pushy, I mean it. They wanted to go although they had never been before.

So we decided to go dancing instead of going to such event. We get into different cars and travel to the city and we met again at the door of the dancing place. Guess who was missing? The two pushy girls! I asked what happened and a guy said: “Yeah, they came with me in the car and when we arrived here they said they were going to the other event, and then they would come back here after that.” I said: “Did they go walking?” … of course they did! … (let me tell you the distance was almost 3,8 km one way). Then the guy driving the car told us the news:

-“Yes, they wanted to meet some guy there”

Now everything fell into place. The pushiness, the nearly 8 km long walk … And now you get your red pill wisedom and apply it to it. When someone flakes on you, move on because when someone wants to meet you THEY DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE!

I wonder who the guy is and how alpha he is, but the interesting thing is that he got both of them come over to be with him without him doing anything just by not moving out of the event he was attending.

I picked my younger friends and told them the piece of Red Pill Advice: Get them interested and DO YOUR LIFE. If they want you, they will come and do everything they need to! … Heads nodded in agreement.

 

 

Sooner or later they hit the wall

Two different women hitting some kind of wall. That’s what I get from a conversation with a female friend and from listening to two girls talking on the street.

During a conversation with some friends my female friend was saying something like: “I am not going to fall in love or date anyone until I’m 28 (she is 23 now)”. I proceeded with red pill wisdom: “You should change your attitude because once you are 28 you are going to be on a competition with other 28-year-old women plus with younger women. And we men are always attracted to the younger ones. Moreover now it looks as if you are going to have an endless supply of guys to choose from. I assure you, you are not going to once you get older”.

I was trying to open her eyes to one single thing: “Find someone and settle”. I also told her how girls’ sexual attractiveness peaks around 23-25 while men peaks around 32-35. She looked devastated by my words. Some minutes after that conversation she told me that I had made her think a lot about all this with my words. She has a chance pre-wall. Will she take it?

Skip to today while I was going to the gym I overheard two girls on the street. Both girls were near or over 30. One of them (HB7) was complaining to the other. Her words were: “It’s always the same. Whenever I see some possibility that this might turn into a long relationship, the guy disappears. I don’t know, it’s like no one want to commit anymore. I just want to stop dating and find someone to spend my whole life with”.

Talk about hitting the wall. My first thought was: How many “non-perfect” guys has this girl probably dumped while she was younger and constantly trying to get a better one?

Then my mind went onto projecting a future where some ex girlfriends will be uttering the same words: “Where are the good men gone?” Well, we lived, survived and learned.

I’m gonna be your matchmaker

“I’m gonna be your matchmaker”, that is what she said yesterday. She is a girl I met during last summer. We met once with mutual friends and she got my number from one of them, invited me to share an evening by the sea with friends. Since then we have been seeing each other alone and in together with other friends … with some pauses.

Here I must add that I never added her on Facebook. During some conversations I told her once that I was sick of Social Media and that I would never add my next girlfriend to any social network because that killed romance. I think that’s a great way of setting the frame (I will explore it in the future). And I followed through. Our communication was limited to phone messaging.

From september on I noticed I was slipping into friendship (not that I want anything more but I thought I could try my game skills to a certain point) so I started being less available and I dropped our communication. We went one month without knowing from each other. Lately she’s been inviting me to hang out once again. And that happened yesterday.

I got a text from her saying: “Some of us are gonna meet at X. There will come new girls you never met before”. I answered that I will join them later and made no mention about the girls (shit test?). When I arrived she introduced me to some girls (whose names I can’t even remember, so you can imagine) and after spending some time we decided to move to another place. I overheard her telling her friends that she would be coming with me in my car “cause he came alone, so I can make him company and because he doesn’t know how to go there”, Aha, there goes the rationalizations hamster.

Later while driving the chat started and it developed in a teasing and playfully way:

Her: What about the new girl I introduced to you? I think she is gorgeous.

Me: Which one?

Her: The blonde

Me: I don’t even remember her name so I guess you know the answer

Her: Well I saw her and thought of you (note: she doesn’t even know the girl)

Me: So you’ve just decided you gonna be my matchmaker?

Her: Yes

Me: Ok. Then next time we meet I’ll give you a detailed list on what I’m looking for cause you missed it.

And then I proceeded laughing about her abilities as matchmaker, etc.

Because I am new to the game I have just began to be aware of this kind of things. I was sitting there and wondering: “Is this a test?”, “Why is she considering herself my matchmaker? Who entitled her for that?” were the first thoughts running through my mind. But I decided to agree and amplify the whole thing in a teaseful way.

This girl, in her early 20’s, is strange cause she is really aware of what a woman needs. She is always verbalizing things like how she thinks “men have to dominate women and lead them in almost every aspect of their lives, that the problem today is that women and men reversed roles and men doesn’t know any longer what to do to interact with and attract them. 

While chatting on the car we were also speaking about attraction and stuff and then she dropped this in the middle of a sentence: “… because I see you as a friend … bla bla bla”. That sentence got stuck in me because it made me think of myself in the past. Back then I would have seen that sentence as something really bad and it would have affect my mojo. However, nowadays I understand that actions speak clearer than words. And this girl is always initiating interactions, always looking for me, sitting closer to me when we meet with friends, etc. Moreover, the last three girls in my life who went for the lines like ” … we are best friends” ended up being something more (or didn’t become something more because I didn’t want). So there is a great difference when they say “let’s just be friends” while being together and when they say “I see you as a friend” when you never asked about the status and never implied anything else. At least that’s been my experience so far. And while I was writing this post I got a message from her … asking me how the night had gone.

I read somewhere that while there is a game going on, you are still playing. And I think here there is still half game to play.

The stories that tie us together

There is one thing I regret: not having discovered the manosphere long ago. It is true that a friend of mine bought The Game when it was published but I didn’t pay much attention to it. Somehow I couldn’t believe that had to be the way to deal with women.

Another thing I wish it would have been different is my timing with writing. I do believe that a lot of us start our quest for answers after a break up which devastated us or more often after a series of break ups which left us wondering what the heck is going wrong with us / women / the world? If I had started reading and blogging after my last break up, I would have been filled with that rage that empowers the best writers. Now it is kind of too late. I am on my path of learning, assimilating and re-building myself.

During my reading through the manosphere I’ve been feeling related to a lot of posts on things I did wrong, things I didn’t understand, etc. But I always love when I can feel related to other men trying to escape from the blue pill. That happens to me often with m3’s blog and that happened today again while I was reading my new manosphere discovery, 22to28. I feel strongly related to those guys. People wanting to explain who they are and the stories of their lives.

As I explained in my first post I am in my early 30’s. I have a great job which allows me to have a great lifestyle. I can work from home and I travel because of my job. I drive a sports car. I am over 185 cm (6’1″), dark hair, tanned, Mediterranean look, I am in shape (could be better though and I am working on it). I speak six languages fluently and I am currently learning a couple more because that is my hobby, that is in my core. I have lived in several countries in Europe and travelled over the world. I love culture, reading, art, physics, astronomy and sports among other things.

Short after my last break up I decided to visit a psychologist to try to know what was going wrong with me and after some conversations he decided to run the WAIS intelligence tests plus some matrices tests. The WAIS results showed my IQ to be at 132 which leaves me in the 98th percentile. Great, right? No. This is what most likely affects my emotional intelligence and one of the things which may have helped to build my beta side.

Did you read everything I wrote before? Everything I am, everything I’ve become in my process of self growth didn’t help me to keep a 19 year old interested in me. My last and most devastating break up. She was chasing, she had never enough of me, wanted to see me constatly (you name it), she got me, we were 8 months together and …  she disappeared to date someone new (who she also dumped shortly afterwards just to try with two more guys in a few months – hypergamy at its best). But it didn’t help me before either to keep a 23 year old interested (with who I had the best intellectual connection ever) neither did it help to keep a 21 year old interested longer than the effing honeymoon period. It’s been three different girls in the course of three years. Two were still studying, everyone of them lived at home with their parents and just one of the three had traveled a bit, was culture and self-growth oriented and loved language learning. None of them could objectively, rationally, logically compare to me. But the result was always the same: I got dumped and I am not the clingy, jealous type. So I guess reasons are loss of attraction or their low attention span. Then it makes me laugh when I hear girls saying: “where are all the good men?”

Isn’t it strange when everyone claims personal growth is the key to attraction? Having been in the self-growth path for a long time I see a problem with that. You keep growing but not everyone does. So in the end either you find less girls who you are interested in or you lower your expectations (as I did). And as I said before it does not matter! They chase a feeling. They feel it or they don’t and it doesn’t matter if they felt it yesterday. It is really disencouraging.

After the break up I started my period of introspection and analyzed what my beliefs were regarding dating and finding someone. If you’ve been reading so far you’ll surely think that I am just another Nice Guy. You got it! But the thing is I was taught to be like that. I was taught that I should just be me, develop myself and then someone someday will notice who I am and we will fall in love forever and ever. Can I be guilty of “desexualizing” women when I was told that they are tired of men just “looking for sex”? Can I be guilty of pedestalizing and believing in The One when I was always shown that in the movies, books, etc? Can I be guilty of listening to women, trying to understand them and being a gentleman when they say they want that? I remember my own mother telling me: “I can talk more to you about my things than to your father” and I felt proud about that. I felt proud I can have deep conversations, I felt proud people consider me a great talker and a great listener. I felt proud girls always mention the great conversations they can have with me. I wrote “I felt” cause I don’t feel it any longer. I can’t feel it after seeing how giving my best to my girlfriends just turned them into my exgirlfriends.

Am I a beta? An omega? A lesser alpha? I don’t know. But I am a giver, a caretaker, a worrier, a listener, a talker and that just gave me heartbreak. A lot of it. And when you have these values in your core for at least two decades it’s a huge amount of change you have to do in yourself, your thoughts and way of dealing with women. But I am in for the fight whatever it takes and it encourages me to see and follow the steps of so many of us out there!

Moments of red pill awareness

Things surrounding you change once you start the process of taking and digesting the red pill. You are more aware of alpha and beta males around you as well as feminine reactions to them. These moments of red pill awareness are one of the things I’ve been noticing lately and I have a couple of examples on the subject.

The husband and the whiny wife

A week ago I was spending the weekend with a friend and a married friend of his came home with the wife. After eating we were playing videogames while the wife took a nap. As soon as she woke up she started nagging telling him to go down to the car to pick up some stuff. She was being really whiny, trying different styles of persuasion and typical female voice changes while the husband firmly told her that he was not going.

At that moment I had my old blue pill moment and thought “Wow, What a way of treating her” followed by my actual red pill awareness “What the heck?!. He is playing videogames. She is not doing anything. She took a nap and is now forcing him to leave what he is doing. She should go down to the car and pick up the stuff which is for both of them”.

She kept trying while he kept playing videogames and answering at times telling her firmly that he was not going. I thought he would go in the end but he did not and she went for the stuff. I was both amazed and impressed and felt the urge to tell him. We started speaking about alpha and beta males and he did not know anything about that. Do you know why? My friend told me the story of this guy and I came to the conclusion that he is a natural. He knows he has options. He always had them during his growing up. He never used to take crap from girls. Nowadays he knows she is deeply in love with him and he of course he takes no crap from her either. Of course other times he does things for her and mixes the alpha with beta traits but he not under the cover of shit tests.

As far as I know there was no extra talk on the subject between them after the incident. And yes, she seemed affectionate a few minutes later.

The gym instructor

Yesterday I was at the gym which I have restarted again as another step to strengthen my masculine side. After some running I was doing some training while a woman (HB7) was doing some quads. Probably she is new to the gym because the gym instructor was helping her. I was amazed at hearing how he addressed her. He was serious, commanding all the time, telling her: “Do ten more. No. I said ten more!”, “Put the leg completely down”, “I said one more”. She kept whining: “I can’t. I won’t make it” and looking half smiling at me for my approval / validation/ support. When the quad exercise ended, the instructor went to another machine  without saying one single word and she followed him there. Again there he was commanding her things in a strong and firm voice. 

I had my blue pill moment there too as in “what a harsh way of speaking to her” followed by my red pill awareness “she is obeying all his commandments, following him everywhere like crazy and probably more attracted to him as the time goes by”. For my personal development I was amazed to see how he dealt with her: commands, firm voice, serious I-take-no-crap-you-are-my-pupil face.

Two doses of red pill in one week which allowed me to compare how the Nice Guy living inside me for so long still pops up to make me remember all the wrong lessons learned during the years. Unfortunately for my inner Nice Guy, I am on my way to supress him.

Did you also have these red pill awareness moments during your development?

Another one (is forced) to take the red pill

After a lot of reading in the so called manosphere, I finally decided to start my own blog where I can gather my thoughts, views and experiences on this journey towards taking and digesting the red pill (which has already started) and also on the journey which I left behind.

I am in no way an expert, or better said, I am an expert in doing everything wrong, an expert in eating blue pills daily until I finally choked and was forced to look inside myself,  to look outside to the feminine world and to look for an answer to the question: “Why do I feel unlovable when I’ve been doing all I was supposed to do?”

I will introduce myself without too many details to preserve anonimity. I am an European, Christian, non native English speaking, 32 year-old guy carrying a long history of unrequited love, heartache and pain. Well, “unrequited love, isn’t that something we all experience in our lives?” someone might say. Others say:”it’s just because you didn’t find the right one”, “there is plenty of fish in the sea”, etc. Yes, all of this can be true to a certain point but sometimes we have to look at ourselves and check what we are doing wrong because the only things in common in our lives are we and our choices so at least one of this two is not right.

I found the motivation to start this blog after seeing myself described in the words of m3 in his post Confessions of a reformed incel where he explains what he went through with women.

Bear with me (and my English skills) and share your thoughts because I will be writing more about me, my flawed points of view on women and how to relate to them (which I have been taught and fondly embraced). I will also be sharing my opinions on articles in the manosphere I find interesting and the change I want to introduce in my life to regain the power men should never lose when looking for a relationship.