I was reading this post by m3 about Confidence when some sentence ressonated with what my thoughts have been lately.
What every woman who says men should just be confident fails to realize is that if they’re rejecting men left, right and center then they are part if the problem.
Point is, if men are chasers and women are choosers, it follows that if women want more confident men, they need to be giving men a chance to build it up. And every time you reject a guy for his shoes, the shape of his nose, something minor he says, the way he chews.. or you just enjoy crushing men on first dates because you hate boys and throw rocks at them.. you’re the problem. Every time you make a snarl face or nuclear rejection, you’re part of the problem.
Meet one female acquaintance of mine: a 28 year-old woman from a Nordic country known for its gender policies and strong feminist movement. No doubt, she is a feminist too. She moved to my country (on the opposite side of the continent) some years ago to look for a new life and I guess new possibilities in her love life too. It strikes me that, as a foreigner, in 4 years she hasn’t managed to meet someone interesting …
Some weeks ago we had this conversation going on while having dinner at her place with some friends, a mixed group of guys and girls. Notice that she is constantly bragging that in her country males and females are equal, and that she doesn’t like roles as they are in my country. I pointed out that she did a wrong choice then when she moved here and that she should have moved to a country where gender equality was more in accordance with her doctrine. Then she proceeded whining about how in our church there are a lot more women than men so ratio is not so good for her. A girl friend of hers made a point publicly and told that they had been together to one country in South America and she had been introduced to some (at least 3) different guys with great qualities both in secular and spiritual life. Her answer in front of the group? “Yes but they all were ugly”
Her answer infuriated me. She, who is a 4 in her best day (once in every 4 years I guess), a fricking self-entitled feminist, was speaking of other guys as ugly in front of more guys. She didn’t even say: “I didn’t like them.” or “They were not my type”. She just said: “They were ugly”. My stomach turned. “Who do you thing you are? How do you think you look like? What do you think your real SMV is?” I got all those questions burning on my head but I didn’t say anything because it doesn’t matter what her SMV is, what matters for her is what she BELIEVES it to be.
Of course there is a need for attraction but as M3 notices in his post:
Even if she had no initial interest in the man, she may have been ignorant to a vast array of great qualities lying just beneath the surface that he either already had, or she could coax out of him with a little feminine persuasion and nurturing. No nuclear rejections, and taking a little time to see into a mans soul rather than make a snap decision. This gave men time to build up confidence by allowing them to interact with patient women
In this particular case she is aging, not specially pretty, complaining on women-to-men ratio and still picky. What the heck is going wrong? If she was smart she would be picking someone she “just liked a bit” and who had those great qualities which better match hers and grow a loving relationship out of this all. But no. She prefers to be single, complaining and waiting for who knows what!
Do they think that they may be a part of the problem with “the not being attracted to anyone” attitude? Or ar they always going to blame it on men?
I can’t really wait for these kind of hamsters to hit the wall.